Hey guys (if anyone is reading this or will read this in the near future) , I’m a girl in her early twenties and mentally in her teens, occasionally wondering when did she grow up so fast that now she has to get out in the world and do all the adult hustle and bustle , and of course, will start earning for her own living soon.
Well, frankly speaking this is my first time blogging. I have been into writing journals since like 4 to 5 years, but in the recent years I started noticing that stopped working for me. At times , I did not even have the will power to pick up my diary and write something . One day I stumbled upon a book where the protagonist really felt this release from her stress of the daily life while blogging online about the daily life. SO, I decided to give this a chance. I don’t know how many people are going to read this , but I am gonna do this for myself and for people out there who would relate to my struggles , hoping it would in some way help them to get through their issues.
SO, today I am going to discuss about my struggles with anxiety , depression or whatever you would like to call it. Being in my early twenties, I am going through this huge transition from college to the world out there. This is the biggest transition since school to college . I am officially in the last month of my college life. Considering the difficulties of securing yourself a job in the last year of the college, the pandemic has only made it worse. Being in the last month of my college without any job offer isn’t helping either.
Going through the grilling process of job interviews has made me realize that my anxiety issues are way more worse than I had ever imagined them to be. There are days when I feel so useless and get scared at the thought of my dark future once this month ends. I don’t even know where I shall be once college ends.
I know it sounds really dark , but somehow I am anchoring myself through this.These issues have also made me retrospect about my life and society. Most of this anxiety stems from the fact that as per the society standards , you have to secure a job before college ends otherwise you are a huge failure and cannot really land an offer once college gets over. It really kills any willpower you might have to keep going on. I mean it’s really my life, I decide what I want to do or will do. There shouldn’t really be a price tag or timer ticking for it.
I had dreams. I have so many dreams and aspirations.But the usual society pressure isn’t helping me in going for them in any way. Not having any job till now has made me question all of my achievements I had till date(no matter how small or big they were). This pressure has just made me want to become anxious about just getting a job offer from just any field in corporate sector(whether it lies in my field of interest or not).
Well, as much as pandemic has made it hard for me to deal with these anxiety/self-esteem issues, it has also made me become an independent person. I used to be an emotional wreck, heavily dependent upon my friends to get me through the problems in my life. Now I can say that I don’t run off to any friend of mine to get me through this. I am trying my best to supoort myself.
Pandemic has also made me revive my old hobbies which I had just stopped indulging myself into as I was just lost in social media. I love to read books, since the time I was able to read. They are like my escape mechanism, only that they come without any impatience or binge tendency (unlike netflix or any other platform for that matter).I was able to rekindle this hobby during these days when I was/am on my own. Books have really helped me retrospect deeper into myself. Who I am? What I want to be? What is my purpose?
Hopefully , I will get these answers someday.
I guess the situation will just go on for some more months. I will keep on trying to secure a job in my field of interest no matter what. I just want to say to anyone reading this, going through hard times. Just hold on and keep going. No matter how dark the road of life might look from where you are, it will ultimately brighten up as you keep going because after every night there is a beautiful morning waiting for us. Take the plunge and keep going.
With that, I’ll end my today’s blog here and see you soon.
Shelly ❤
